I'm Not Singing
by Wrath76
Summary: The Akatsuki just got a Karaoke machine from Kami-knows-where.  And everyone, except Sasori, was singing. Soon, the Akatsuki force, or try to force, him to sing.  But who can? Sasori's like, the ultimate killjoy... Rated T due to a certain Jashinist.
1. Where the hell did that come from?

**Hey, it's the second! To be uploaded…**

**Chapters will be extremely short****, since there's science to be done and experiments to run. (Portal much?)**

**Disclaimer: Kishimoto-sama owns the Akatsuki.**

**Anyway, this chapter is just the introduction. The good parts come later. ****I hope you enjoy reading this! ^_^**

Pein cleared his throat now that the ever-so-late Deidara has taken his seat in their meeting room. He glared at the terrorist bomber first (who shrunk under his gaze), before standing up and started pacing around the mostly annoyed Akatsuki members in the damp meeting room.

"Okay, so what the bloody fucking hell is this all about?" Hidan asked. "I mean, you called us in here for a stupid goddamn meeting and then just say fucking nothing? And I was having my fucking morning ritual to Jashin, too." He added. That was quite true, seeing that the immortal has a pike sticking from his chest from the said ritual.

"Much as I don't like saying this, Leader-sama, Hidan's right," Kakuzu said. "I lost count of all the Akatsuki funds because Tobi came crashing in my room shouting about a meeting you just called."

"Well…" Pein started. "This has nothing to do about the Bij-"

"Quit the crap already, Pein," Sasori interrupted. "You know I don't like waiting, and I have more important things to do."

"But no one cares, un," Deidara piped up. "You're just going to clean Hiruko and the Third Kazekage again, yeah." The blonde added under his breath.

"Shut up, brat," the redhead said uncaringly.

"Anyway, before Sasori has kindly interrupted me, I have some news to tell you," Pein rubbed his temple in order to calm his now throbbing vein.

"Good or bad?" A certain Uchiha said.

"I'd never seen you care about the news, Itachi-san." His partner said, surprised.

"How else would I know that my stupid little brother is on the run with a certain snake bastard, huh?" Itachi rhetorically asked.

"Oops."

"AS I WAS SAYING, I have some news for y–"

"Hey, there's a new Karaoke machine in the living room!" Konan yelled as she run inside the meeting room.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh?"

"Well, at least Konan told," Pein muttered.

"You called a meeting just for that?" Sasori said impatiently. "That's it, I'm leaving."

Everyone rushed to the living room, arguing who's singing first.

"YAY! Tobi's going to sing 'Happy Birthday!'" A masked man declared.

"No way in hell, un! I'm singing first, yeah!" Deidara said.

"But-"

"I'm the senpai!"

"Yes, senpai. Tobi's a good boy." Tobi said, tearing up.

"Yes!" Deidara yelled, not caring.

"What idiots," Itachi said, walking back to his room.

"Hey, Itachi-san, aren't you going to the living room?" Kisame asked.

"No, I'm gonna catch up from my lack of sleep," the raven replied.

"Kay then, have fun sleeping!"

"Hn."

**Sorry, there's not much Sasori in it. I promise there'll be a lot more when the next chapter comes… I was writing this in the school's computer laboratory and I don't really want to be late for my next class that time. How devious of me, writing in the comlab during break… Good thing the tea****chers never caught the swears.**


	2. Bloody hell   THE NOISE!

**Okay, first of all, to those who bothered reading the introduction:**

**I'm so sorry I wasn't able to update sooner because:**

**First, of the Sci-Math fair. Basically, it sucked because I have to waste all of my time guarding a stupid booth that no one even bothered to look at**

**Second, I'm using the time I spent in the Sci-Math fair writing a fan fiction for my best friend. It must be published at December 24 no matter what, and the fanfic's pretty long.**

**Third, I was wondering how to start this second chapter.**

**Okay, enough said.**

**Disclaimer: I seriously regret that I do not own Naruto and the Akatsuki.**

"Seriously, is that the only song that brat knows?" Sasori asked nothing in particular.

The puppeteer looked up from the mess that was his puppets when the song _Sleepless__Nights_ blared into his room. Apparently he heard it so many times he is starting to get sleepless nights playing the stupid song over and over in his head. Not that he needs sleep, of course. Even a puppet puppeteer still needs his rest.

"Aren't you aware that Deidara put Extendable Ears underneath your door just to screw you, Sasori?" Itachi tiredly asked, slightly making Sasori jump up. Obviously, he just crashed into Sasori's room without telling.

"How would you know, Itachi?" Sasori asked, raising an eyebrow at the sleepy-eyed raven. "And I thought you're catching up on your sleep," he added.

"He put one underneath my bed and put some kind of glue on it so no one would be able to remove it. As for sleeping, no can do while they were downstairs singing. The Extendable Ears end up in the living room and " Itachi boringly explained.

"Makes sense, then," Sasori shrugged. "There's a pair of extra earmuffs on the desk," he pointed. "You can have them."

"Thanks," the Uchiha grunted while getting the earmuffs and getting out of the room.

Seeing Itachi out of the room, he went to the desk to get the other pair and put them on to block out the sound of the annoying song. Hearing nothing more than a faint sound, he continued working in peace on the puppets.

_In the living room…_

"_Setsunai__… __yoru__mo__… __koete__…_" Deidara sang the last lines of his favorite song. He didn't give the microphone to Konan until he found out his score: an impressive 95.

"Couldn't get better than that, un," he said proudly.

"You could've got a fuckin' 100, Dei," Hidan pointed out.

"NO! It always has to have a 5 in the end, un!" Deidara screamed hysterically.

Everybody sweatdropped epically, remembering that Deidara has a fetish for the number five since his birthday is May 5th and his height is 5'5", not including the top of his hairstyle. (A/N: Convert 166 cm into feet and inches and get approximately 5'5". Personally, I think that 5'5" is too short for a nineteen-year-old guy.)

"Um, okay, my turn," Konan said sheepishly as she pressed the numbers for her favorite song, _Sasoi_.

As she sang, an idea popped into Tobi's head. "Tobi wonders why Sasori-senpai won't sing," he said out of nowhere.

"Come to think of it, Tobi's right," Kakuzu agreed. "I've been longer in the Akatsuki than most of you, and I still haven't heard him sing."

"Danna not singing, hmm… Yeah, doesn't make any sense, either," Deidara tapped his chin thoughtfully.

"Everyone who wants to sing gets a turn. After everyone had a turn, we'll force him to. How to make the devious Sasori sing though, I don't know," Pein thoughtfully said.

"Let's have a contest!" Tobi announced, grinning seemingly behind his mask. "We'll do as Leader-sama says, then the one who can make Sasori-senpai sing will be the only one who can sing in the machine whenever he wants to and the others have to get permission from him to get to sing!" he suggested.

Konan cleared her throat pointedly.

"Oops, sorry, Konan-chan. Tobi's a good boy… Tobi didn't mean to leave you out…"

"That's okay, Tobi."

"Everyone in favor?" Pein said suddenly, annoyed. Clearly, he's getting tired of having the limelight stolen from him.

"HAI." Everyone answered.

"Okay, now that's settled, who's singing next?" Pein asked.

"Me." White and Black Zetsu answered simultaneously.

"Okay, Konan, give Zetsu the mic," Pein ordered as a 96 flashed into the screen.

**Extendable Ears are from Harry Potter, just in case you don't know. Invented by Fred and George Weasley. And let's just say the ninja world coexisted with the wizarding world.**

**I guess the contest is on, making Sasori sing. And just in case you're wondering why Itachi is not forced to sing, that's because everyone knew better than to disturb him from his sleep. Everyone except Deidara, that is.**

**I still don't know if it's good enough so look below. There's a link saying "Review This Chapter." Click that, please. I kinda needed your opinion.**


	3. Pride Breakdown

**Hey, thanks for the reviews! They may be few, but I appreciate them.**

**Sorry for not updating earlier; I either have writer's block or I was just too lazy to update. Most of the time, it's a little of both. Besides, I have speech about manga to prepare for.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto and the Akatsuki. Dammit.**

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><p>Deidara crept slowly to his Danna's room door, hearing the usual sounds of a puppet being repaired. Knowing that a sound other than chips falling down the floor and hammering will set the redhead off and cause him to fly in a rage so bad the tantrum will probably involve destroying their coziest base. Not wanting to get it to that point, the bomber took several deep breaths before slowly opening the dreaded door and peering inside.<p>

The puppeteer was hunched on the floor facing away from the blonde, obviously not caring about his posture since he is a puppet after all. His vibrant red hair was falling below on his eyes as he did his usual maintenance on Hiruko, his favorite puppet, and evidently the one that needed the most repairs among all 298 marionettes. How he kept his temper from rising when he has to repair the same puppet over and over, no one really knows. He lifted his head when he sensed his partner's presence in the room.

"Deidara," his voice said calmly when the blonde put his head inside the room.

The teen took this as a good sign, and said, "Hey, danna, un."

"What do you want?" The snappy reply made the boy's hair stand on its end. He definitely didn't want to annoy the hotheaded older, albeit younger looking, man. Not when he has a plan to have the karaoke machine for him to sing _Sleepless__Nights_every hour, day after day after day, just to screw everyone.

The teen stammered a bit before saying, "Ano… I'm just wondering…"

"Well, what?" Sasori finally looked at his younger partner with a vacant yet creepy expression. Damn, even blank stares from either Itachi or Sasori are scary. "You know that I don't like waiting."

"Um. Just wondering… un…"

"I heard the first time brat. Now spit it," Sasori said in an impatient tone despite his expressionless façade.

"Why aren't you downstairs with the others, un?" The scared blonde blurted out immediately just to get the terror over with before internally slapping himself for not thinking about what he said. But then, finding the right words took a much longer time than the redhead could handle with his short temper.

"Because it's troublesome."

Deidara's eye widened, then he blinked once as the cryptic answer sunk in.

"How could singing to a karaoke machine be troublesome?" he couldn't help asking. "It's fun, yeah."

"Well, I don't think it is fun, and therefore think it's troublesome," the redhead answered dully. "Now, scram. I still have to repair Hiruko and I don't need to hear your whiney voice," he said before turning his back at the effeminate boy.

"But, danna-"

"I said, no, now go away."

"Please, danna, just give it a try, un."

"NO."

"I'll give up my motto and agree with you that art is eternal, un!" Deidara screamed out of despair, before slapping himself mentally for blurting that out.

"Hmmm…" the redhead tapped his chin thoughtfully.

"Huh?" The blonde looked at his partner with a hopeful glint in his eye.

"I must say, that is a tempting deal to take…" Sasori mused.

"Wow, Danna actually fell for that… That is a good bribe for him, after all…" Deidara thought with a large sweatdrop on his head as he simultaneously thought about the pain and torture that saying Art is Everlasting Beauty is going to inflict on his oversized pride.

"NO. Now go a—"

"NANI?"

"—way," Sasori finished. The puppeteer used a chakra string to slam the door on his stunned partner.

"DANNA! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the blonde screamed at his partner's door, but to no avail. Sasori chuckled sadistically, feeling the vibration on the door but not hearing the noise. The door was soundproof, after all.

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><p><em>In the living room…<em>

"Well?" Pein asked at the defeated-looking blonde who entered the room as Hidan sang some song with swear words on each line.

"He... still… didn't… want to… get down here… un…" Deidara answered, tears pooling on his visible eye as the thought of the karaoke machine being claimed by someone else.

"I guess we won't hear Sasori sing for the time being," Konan mumbled annoyedly. She, besides Itachi, is the only one who noticed that Sasori's voice is just too cool to be wasted on just speaking. He definitely has to know how to sing.

"Dammit," Pein muttered as Deidara started sobbing, prompting Hidan to smack the microphone in favor of shutting the kid up, which unfortunately even caused the blonde to wail at higher volume.

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><p><strong>Okay, so Deidara is the first to fail. I wonder what the others will do. Yes, people, I'm wondering what happens, and I'm the freaking author. Shame on me.<strong>

**And this is the first time I learned how to use a line break... Again, shame on myself for not knowing earlier.  
><strong>

**Review kudasai! \(^/o\^)/ \(^o\ |/ \(^:o:^)/**


	4. Insanity

**Yes, it's Christmas vacation! Now I have more time with this…**

**Unfortunately, I'm kinda having mental block with this fanfic, since I'm starting to work on the one I'm supposed to publish in the afternoon of Christmas Eve. (Which could mean the dawn of December 23 to some who live on the other side of the globe. Lol, dawn is Akatsuki, right? Oh, whatever, that was a bad pun.)**

**So, okay, whatever… Let's bring this thing down!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

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><p>Pein almost never sees Konan like this; usually she'd use some sort of genjutsu to make herself presentable. Not today, though. He wondered what the origami addict's problem is as he cooked pancakes for breakfast.<p>

Konan had very large eye bags, extremely messy hair, and an exceedingly disturbing smile on her face.

"Konan, are you high?" the Rinnegan wielder asked worriedly. Sure, Konan gets crazy at times, but this is creeping him out.

"Nope," the woman said cheerfully.

"Did something good happened to you?"

"Nope."

"…"

"…"

"Then, why the hell are you smiling like that? It's creepy!" Pein screamed, almost scared out of his wits.

His partner innocently tilted her head to one side. "Why, is there something wrong, Nagato?"

Nagato made Deva Path rush out of the kitchen, so that he wouldn't have to bear with Konan's frightening childlike demeanor. Good thing the pancakes are already done.

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><p>Pein rushed to his secret room (which Tobi knew and Sasori and Itachi found out) where all the computers that are connected to security cameras are located. He immediately checked the videos from Konan's room the night before. (AN: The cameras are in everyone's rooms, not for peeking at, but just to find out what all the Akatsuki are doing just in case something goes wrong. Kakuzu nearly killed the leader when about one-twenty thousandth of the Akatsuki funds went to the cameras and computers, not that the former Taki-nin knew where the money went.)

_Konan was writing furiously on hundreds of sheets of paper, in different handwritings no less. It didn't matter to her that her blue hair was practically in her face as she wrote different messages on each sheet in less than ten seconds._

Since that particular scene went for about two hours on video, Pein fast-forwarded the video until he saw Konan get out of her room with all reams of paper at hand. He quickly switched to the computer where the cameras for the hallways are connected. He watched the female Ame-nin tiptoe through the hallway until she stopped at a bedroom door. Sasori's door, to be exact.

Konan knocked on the door, knowing well that the Suna-nin never slept, what with his puppet body and Hiruko needing repairs all the time. She opened the door when Sasori's bored voice told her to get in.

Pein changed computers to get a view of Sasori's room. And here's the scene of what happened:

_"Hey, Sasori!" Konan greeted._

_Sasori turned up from the mess of wooden limbs to look at her. "Hello, Konan. It's rather late, isn't it?"_

_The woman gulped a bit. "I know, but the mailman came late. I bet Zetsu's eaten him by now."_

_"…What do you want?" The puppeteer seemed not to notice the lie, which Konan was thankful for._

_"Here's the mail the mailman sent. They're all for you, I guess," she said confidently._

_The redhead eyed the stack of papers. "Why are they out of their envelopes?"_

_Konan gulped again. "Uh, I kinda scanned all of them. Sorry, but they're all just fan mail. No harm done."_

_Sasori blinked. "I… have… fan mail?" Ah, the lie wasn't even perceived._

_The blue-haired ninja sweatdropped a bit. "Sure, you do. Everyone in the Akatsuki does. Well, maybe except Kakuzu," she added under her breath._

_Sasori took the stack of papers from Konan's arms and starts reading while Konan stood still as she watched him read._

Pein fast-forwarded the video until he saw Sasori read the last letter, which is about three hours when he started reading the first letter, and put it in a pile with the other letters. No wonder Konan had eye bags.

_"So all this fans wrote to me just to say they want me to sing…" he muttered._

_"Uh, yeah?"_

_Sasori looked at Konan with an exasperated look. "Stand back a bit, will you?"_

_Konan nodded while backing out a little._

_The Suna-nin moved his sleeve up his forearm and burned the letters with his built-in flame thrower._

_The woman blinked, opened her mouth, closed it, then blinked again in disbelief of what recently happened. " Why did you burn the papers?" she managed to get out._

_"Because it'll be a mess in my room," he simply said._

_Konan blinked again before turning her back on him. "Uh, bye, Sasori."_

_"Bye, Konan." The redhead stared for a while at her retreating silhouette before sighing, closing the door, turning back to the mess of limbs, and mumbling something about wasting his time on fanmail._

Pein watched his partner walk along the hallway. When she got to her room, she started to laugh so crazily she can creep out even the most hardcore Uchiha. The leader sweatdropped epically as he thought, "So much for the karaoke machine," as Tobi loudly sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star at the machine. Kisame roared something incoherent about the whole house still sleeping as he apparently turned the machine off and made the masked man cry like a baby.

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><p><strong>Damn this, the "j" key stuck in this particular laptop… Now I have to use the on-screen keyboard, copy-paste the letter or I connect another keyboard into the damned thing. Seriously, how troublesome…<strong>

**Anyway, please review. :3**


	5. Lemondrops and Gumdrops

**I didn't really expect that I would be able to update this early…**

**Screw that; I don't bloody care! I love this story too much!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Akatsuki.**

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><p>"Tobi has a great idea!" Tobi exclaimed as everyone except Sasori, Kakuzu (who's counting the funds, as usual), Konan and his sempai lounged around in the living room. Kisame has recently finished singing the theme of <em>Finding <em>_Nemo_ and since he was not satisfied with his score (which is a berating 67), he resorted to pushing the numbers for the song again to improve his score.

"Well, that's a fuckin' first," Hidan muttered, pushing his glasses up his nose and not looking up from his Jashinist bible.

Tobi glared at the zealot, who simply didn't notice the visible eye blazing with the Sharingan.

"Well, what's your idea about, Tobi?" Itachi asked uncaringly. He actually got tired of listening to his Hideo Ishikawa song collection, and went to sit with the others in the living room, bringing his volume 30 of _Naruto_ along.

The masked man regained his happy disposition and said happily, "Tobi will be the one to make Sasori-san get out of his room and make him sing! Then Tobi will have the karaoke machine to Tobi's self, singing nursery rhymes all day long!"

"And how exactly do you expect to do that, Tobi?" White Zetsu asked.

"Tobi won't tell!" the idiot answered stubbornly. "Zetsu-san might copy Tobi, then Zetsu-san will get to sing on the karaoke machine!"

Everybody sweatdropped.

"**We****'****re ****not ****copying ****you,**** you ****moron!**" Black Zetsu exclaimed.

"Tobi's still not telling," Tobi seemingly pouted under his mask.

"Fine, then don't, sheesh…" Pein said, simply to break up the glowers between the plant-nin and the childish Akatsuki member.

Tobi went out of the room silently.

"Hey, where are you going, kid?" A certain Kiri-nin asked to prevent himself from swinging Samehada at the karaoke machine, which has just displayed an even more insulting 54.

"To Kakuzu-san's room…" was the only answer they got.

Everyone looked at each other with confused expressions. Just what Tobi is about to do is simply beyond them.

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><p>"Hey, get back with my money, dammit!" Kakuzu roared as he extended his hand in an attempt to strangle Tobi who took 3000 ryo from him.<p>

Tobi simply laughed like a child as he ran fast enough to avoid the Taki-nin's hand.

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><p>"Okay, so Tobi will now buy candy with the money that Tobi took from Kakuzu's hand," Tobi mumbled to himself as he entered Amegakure's supermarket, cloak worn inside out to prevent chaos from reigning. "Tobi wonders what Tobi will buy…"<p>

He went to the candy section of the supermarket and looked at the expanse of candy on the shelves. He quickly went back to the entrance to get a pushcart and went back to the said section to dump bags of candy in the cart.

"Hmm… Tobi will take… lemondrops… and gumdrops… and gummy bears… and Hersheys kisses… and marshmallows…" the masked man chanted to himself as he threw each bag into the pushcart until the cart is full.

He hummed to himself as he paid for all the candy (spending all 3000 ryo on the sweets), and carried all the paper bags back to the base. Anyone who saw him on his way was bewildered to see him whistling merrily while balancing ten paper bags full to the brim of sweets. Really, it simply is awkward, making most people file the sight under the _Don__'__t__ Want __to__ Remember__ This_ part of their brain.

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><p>At last, Tobi arrived back at the base with all of the members in the living room a while ago outside training. <em>Perfect,<em>he thought. _Now __nobody __would __see __my __foolproof __plan __in __action._

He opened all of the candy packages and mixed them together (they still have their wrappers on). Then he dumped the assortment of sweets into a trail, starting from Sasori's bedroom door, through the hallways, down the stairs, into the living room and ending up in the karaoke machine. In case you still haven't understood what Tobi's plan is, I'll show you his fail-safe procedure step by step:

1) Sasori opens his door and sees the candies.

2) He'll follow the trail, putting candies in his every available pocket (which includes the holes on his body) to put the candies in. No one with half a brain would not be tempted with a trail of sweets, except Itachi's little brother.

3) Sasori finds himself in the living room, where Tobi is waiting for him.

4) Tobi will force Sasori to sing by any means necessary.

5) Tobi gets to own the karaoke machine! Yay!

So there you have it! Five Easy Steps to Make a Puppet Sing by Tobi. ^_^

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><p>Unfortunately for Tobi, what he expected to happen is NOT actually what happened.<p>

But before I tell you what happened, let's take a look first in the members outside the base…

"Kisame?"

"Yeah, Itachi?" the Kiri-nin responded. "Is something wrong?"

Itachi mumbled something.

"What? I can't hear you."

"I said you're deaf, Kisame," the raven smirked.

"Haha, very funny," the shark-nin said sarcastically. "But seriously, what were you saying?"

"I don't think I have seen Konan and Deidara lately," the Uchiha said.

"Konan's gone crazy, and Deidara still has to recover from his pride breakdown," the Hoshigaki explained, chuckling. "And all because of the karaoke machine."

"Idiots," Itachi muttered. "I'll go check on them."

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><p>Itachi jumped to his bedroom window, which is the shortest way to get upstairs due to the labyrinth of hallways that Pein built in the base to confuse intruders. Why their Leader has to build a maze in their headquarters when even he sometimes get lost, no one really knows. (AN: The order of bedrooms on the left side starting from the farthest from the main hallway: Kisame, Itachi, Deidara, Sasori, Tobi. On the opposite side on the same order: Konan, Pein, Kakuzu, Hidan, Zetsu.)

The Uchiha quickly walked to the bomber's room. _Funny,_he thought. _That__ stupid__ song__ should __be __heard__ on __a__ ten-meter __radius__ around__ his __room__…_

He opened the door without even knocking and found the blonde sulking in a corner. _Wow,__he__ really __must__ had __his __ego __burst __if __he __had__ to __sit__ in __an __emo __corner __like __that._ He quickly closed the door before Deidara could notice and start to scream like a banshee for him to go away.

He darted to Konan's door, which is just across the blonde's door. He opened the door and found the blue-haired ninja laughing madly and rigging up a chainsaw. He closed the door quickly and leaned against it with a large sweatdrop from his forehead. _They __both __got__ crazy __just __because __of__ a__ stupid __machine?__ Seriously,__ they__'__re __nuts,_he thought. Then he looked at the floor in annoyance.

His eyes gleamed as his mind registered only one thing: candy.

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><p>"Tobi wonders why Sasori-san is taking so long…" Tobi mumbled as he waited tiredly in the living room. Just then, the living door opened.<p>

"Hey, Tobi!" an Uchiha happily greeted as he entered the room with a large loot bag at hand.

"Hi, Itachi-san!" Tobi greeted with as much enthusiasm as he could muster, his patience already wearing thin from waiting for the Suna-nin. Then idiotic as Tobi is, he did notice the certain disturbing difference in the usually stoic boy.

"Uh, Itachi-san," he asked worriedly. "Why are you so happy today?"

"I found a large treasure, Tobi!" Itachi said merrily while munching on some marshmallows.

Wait a sec…

Marshmallows?

"Itachi-san," the masked man started, his eyes going wide. "Where… did you… find those… marshmallows?" he asked, his throat dry.

"The candy? They're all around the hallways!" the out-of-character teen replied. "I should thank Sasori for leaving this out!"

Tobi blinked while the young Uchiha gaily blew bubblegum on his own face and then left the happy teen behind to go to his bedroom.

Then he started to wail like a kid who just had his candy stolen. Literally.

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><p><strong>This chapter (besides the end, I already know had the end planned out) is probably the easiest and most difficult to write. I had Last Song Syndrome when my crazy friend sang the stupid song "If all the Raindrops are Lemon Drops" (I think that's the freaking title anyway) and thus imagined Tobi leaving a trail of candy from Sasori's door to the living room. That's the reason why it's easy.<strong>

**Unfortunately, since Kishimoto Masashi-sama (I had to specify, he has a younger twin brother who is also a manga artist named Seishi) put that bothersome plot twist of Uchiha Madara rising from the dead, I have to reduce the use of the side that I hate about Tobi, which is the god-complex/perverted (seriously, what kind of a person would put a chakra receiver on a woman's n*****?) part. Which is difficult since I really used to believe that Tobi truly is Madara. God, how annoying…**

**Also, welcome back, Zetsu! I keep forgetting to mention them…**

**Merry Christmas, everyone!**

**Oh, and I _probably_ would update this thing at New Year too.**

**Before I forget, review please!  
><strong>

**\m/(^: :^)\m/**


	6. Double Advantage and Scars for Life

**New chapter… again...**

**I thought about the storyline on this chapter really hard to keep the story going.**

**Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto owns the Akatsuki, Hachi owns Matryoshka and Sakurai Takahiro owns Kokoro no Chikara.**

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><p>Kakuzu has a very short temper.<p>

So short that when he heard the first note sung by all of the seven Paths (A/N: I like both Animal Paths, both had to be included) singing _Matryoshka _operatic style in the karaoke machine (which surprisingly didn't get broken from all the sound waves and decibels emanating in the room), he was ready to kill all of the members and reduce the base into sham- I mean, ashes. He had to bang his head on the wall, put on earplugs then cover his ears with earmuffs, put screws, gears and washers in blenders then turn the blenders on and play Hidan's hard rock music at top volume just to prevent himself from hearing the horribly off-tune voices of the Paths. Astonishingly, not even one of his methods worked, even if just a little.

He could hardly count the funds with all the noise he's hearing since he's the only one without a soundproof door to save expenses. Now, he's figuratively paying a heavy price for not installing the door. How Pein even managed to put seven microphones into the machine, no one really knows.

The Taki-nin couldn't stand it any longer; he rushed out of his room and into his clinic. (A/N: The base has a clinic, and it's underground, so basically no sound comes in.) And that's where he started making his plan to get rid of the karaoke machine:

1) Bribe Sasori into singing.

2) Kakuzu gets to own the karaoke machine.

3) He sells the machine a hundred times its original value.

4) Kakuzu gets rich! Yes!

There you have it: a foolproof way of getting rid of the machine while making money as well. He has to recover the money that Tobi took anyway…

* * *

><p>Deidara and Konan were in the former's room, listening to the words that came out of Sasori's room via the Extendable Ears.<p>

_Kanashimi no tame ja nai kidzuka sete kureta_

_Shinjite kureru no nara ore mo kotae you_

_Yomenai kotoba ga aru kono hon wa kitto_

_Kokoro no chikara dake ga kotae nan darou…_

"Wow, Sasori has a good taste," Konan remarked. "Never knew he was a Sakurai Takahiro fan…"

"Yeah… That's one of the reasons why I leave one of the Ears in his room," Deidara said. "His playlist is the best! A hundred and one percent Sakurai Takahiro!"

"You're fanboying Sakurai-pon?" the kunoichi teasingly smiled while raising an eyebrow.

The boy puffed his cheeks in order to prevent himself from shouting and thus, being overheard by his danna. "No, I'm just saying he's great," he said when he finally relaxed.

Both have recovered from their demise, the origami enthusiast no longer smiling for no reason and the bomber no longer sulking like an idiot. Even though back to normal, they still haven't found the guts to show their faces to everybody else. Their failure is simply too embarrassing.

"I wonder what Sasori's voice is like when he sings," the Ame-nin wondered.

"Me, too," the teen whispered.

Little did they know that Sasori only kept off-vocals in his Sakurai Takahiro collection.

* * *

><p>Sasori's head jerked up when he sensed a dark presence outside his room, right by his bedroom door. The chakra he felt was so dark, so evil that it prompted him to summon the Third Kazekage out of its scroll to defend himself from whatever impeding danger waiting outside. He even turned off his CD player; off-vocals can blow his cover.<p>

And if there's one thing Sasori hated doing, it is blowing things up. Especially secrets. Ever since Itachi told him about the Extendables in his room, he always sang along with whatever he was playing so that Deidara would think it was the actual singer singing. Not that he didn't sing along with his music before; he's just being more careful now.

He waited in anticipation, Third Kazekage at the ready as the door slowly opened.

"Seriously, put that doll down, will you?" Kakuzu grumbled when the door opened.

The puppeteer lowered the marionette a bit, his fingers still a bit tensed just in case. He assumed his usual blasé behavior and asked, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to talk about that stupid karaoke machine," the greedy man said abruptly, closing the door and sitting in one of the chairs in the room.

The Suna-nin took another chair and sat across the older man. "Okay… What about it?"

"It's annoying me all day." The straightforward answer took the redhead aback. Sure, Kakuzu gets downright insane when he's annoyed. But hearing a calm reply like this from the medic-nin is just eerie. The puppeteer quickly recovered from his shock, thank Kami.

"Right, so you went here just to rant about that thing? You should've installed a soundproof door when we were renovating this rock," Sasori said, sweatdropping.

"No. I'm here to discuss what has been happening in the base."

"You sound like Pein."

"Shut up. As of now, Deidara, Konan and Tobi all had mental breakdowns, all of which are caused by only one reason. I might be the next victim, seeing as I am the one who attempted to this…" Kakuzu struggled to find the right word. "Challenge."

Sasori leaned forward, his face impassive as ever yet his auburn eyes showed his curiosity.

"They're all trying to make you sing."

One of the redhead's eyes twitched a little. The Taki-nin noticed this and continued to explain to the apparently confused puppeteer.

"Deidara tried to make you do it through a very obvious method, Konan her fangirl letters, and Tobi, the candy-"

"What candy?" Sasori interrupted. Yeah, he knew about Deidara's failure and Konan's waste of paper, but he never knew anything about the candy.

"You didn't know about the candy because Itachi hoarded all of it before you even went out of your room," the medic elucidated. "It was a trail of candy leading to the living room where that idiot is supposed to trap you. Wasted most of my money on it, too…" Kakuzu muttered, thinking of the one percent of funds that he lost to those sweets.

The Taki-nin cleared his throat before proceeding. "Anyway, as I was saying, they went insane at the thought that they will never get to sing on the machine if they can't make you sing. This was all Tobi's idea, anyway."

"Okaay…" Sasori began. "So if one of you can make me sing… that person practically gets to own the machine?" he inquired.

"Yes."

"So what are you going to do with the machine if you can make me sing? I'm sure you're not using it…"

"I'm going to sell it. I've got to recover the money I lost to Tobi. Besides, I want to have some peace and quiet while I'm counting the funds. I've never had those when that damned thing entered this base," the homicidal man answered.

Sasori took a deep breath. "I'm going to pretend that we never had that discussion and move to the matter at hand…"

Kakuzu went out of the room, went back carrying a large bag, and put on a bright attitude, which was very creepy for the Suna-nin. "Hey, Sasori! Imma give you my bounty to you if you sing on the karaoke machine!"

The puppet man blinked. "Uh, no thanks, Kakuzu…" he said, a large sweatdrop forming on his head.

The Taki-nin seemingly pouted, which could not be that conspicuous because of his mask. "Are you sure, Sasori-chan? Because it has a huge price on its head and I'm sure you'd want to have it."

Sasori cringed at the use of the honorific and by the way the older man made puppy-dog eyes. Honestly, that has just been awkward. "Uh… Yeah, Kakuzu. No thanks…"

"But it's Orochimaru!" Kakuzu beamed. "Are you sure you don't want to turn him into a puppet?" he asked, brandishing the snake-looking pedophile out of the bag.

The redhead's eyes snapped wide in horror. "No bloody way in hell… NO! The last thing I need in my collection is a pedophile snake and I'm not even daring to touch that. So yeah, not singing…"

Kakuzu then merrily skipped out of the room, dragging the bag behind him. _Oh, well, not my loss… _he thought happily. _I get to have a big bounty, and that's more than enough to get what Tobi stole._

Sasori looked at the retreating man's figure in horror and optimistically thought, _At least, I'm not seeing that gay snake ever again… That was just scarring…_

* * *

><p><strong>Yay! Orochimaru's dead! \m  
><strong>

**But, shoot, now Sasori knows what everyone's trying to do to him… Damn you, Kakuzu…DX**

**Kakuzu: At least, I have my money… And I have a happy ending! Hah, beat that! \m/**

**Shut up, Kuzu, I wrote this thing. Anyway… Sorry for the rushed end! This is pretty hard to write, after all.**

**Review please! First to put in his/her review why the Paths sang _Matryoshka_ gets virtual cookies!**

**(-_-#)**


	7. Swords, Scythes and Stalkers

**Guys, I really am sorry that this came later than the rest, but you see, it WAS the freaking holidays and my brain's practically teeming with ideas. I just have to write them all down. But then, due to my Sasori-like temper, I never get the idea of waiting thrilling so waiting for a week or so before updating just drives me crazy. (Hello, 4-days-update?)**

**Ok, I think this may not be as good as the others because I basically brainstormed for this stuff, and all the good ideas just pop in my head. Brainstorming has never been my thing…**

**Oh yeah, before I forget, this is a three-Akatsuki-members-in-one chapter because two of them are collaborating to get the karaoke while the third just executed his plan the same time as the other two. So, sorry to the Kisame, Hidan and Zetsu fans… I did tell you that brainstorming is not my thing. Besides, if I separate Zetsu's part, the chapters will be shorter than my target of at least 1000 words per chapter (not including the author's notes, of course).**

**Disclaimer: Don't own the Akatsuki.**

* * *

><p>Kisame quickly entered into Hidan's room without knocking since the younger man never gave a damn about respect and manners anyway. The shark man quickly made Hidan pay attention and filled him up about the Taki-nin's double advantage but failed strategy.<p>

"O-fucking-kay… so Girly-man, the blue-haired bitch, Lollipop Face and Mr. Money-whore all failed?" Hidan asked for clarification when the blue-skinned ninja finished updating him of the failure status of the Making Sasori Sing Challenge.

"Yeah…" Kisame answered quietly. "Keep your voice down, Hidan, Sasori might hear us…"

The Yu-nin scoffed. "Yeah right, Sharky, like Pinocchio knows…"

"He already knows, Hidan. Kakuzu told him," the Kiri-nin mumbled.

"Well, fuck that stitched-up heathen," the albino cussed, annoyed. "What the fuck are we supposed to do? Obviously, we're not gonna fuckin' trick him to do this shit," he muttered.

Kisame leaned towards the younger man, businesslike. "I have an idea, but you gotta agree to help me."

"Only if it's worth a fuck to me," Hidan said, narrowing his purple eyes.

"We make a deal with Sasori and challenge him. We win; WE get to own the karaoke machine," the shark-nin said confidently.

The Jashinist suddenly felt an urge to smack the older man's head with a fist. "He doesn't give a damn about the machine, fish stick," he growled, trying hard not to yell. "He doesn't even own the fuckin' thing. That's not gonna work."

Kisame smiled brightly, jagged teeth showing. "'Course, it'll work," he countered assertively. "You don't even know what deal is, yet."

"Okay, fine. What?"

"We challenge him to a duel. We win, we get to order him around for a week. He wins, we're his personal servants for a week," was the answer.

The Yu-nin's eyes widened. Kisame must be going senile. "A week? Are you fucking high, man?"

"Come on, Hidan," Kisame pleaded, trying to look cute but obviously failing. "He never takes a deal without high stakes. Besides, it's going to be practically the first time someone besides Leader orders him to do something."

Hidan raised an eyebrow. Somehow, in that air-filled head of his, he felt that this plan is doomed to fail. "How can you be fucking sure we're winning?"

"Easy. We're both proficient taijutsu users, and two against one is hardly fair," the shark-nin lightly explained.

"Fine, I accept. Something gets screwed, it's your shitting fault," the Jashinist muttered.

"Deal." The two shook hands, the immortal rather unwillingly.

* * *

><p>Hidan and Kisame, bearing their respective weapons, went to the puppeteer's bedroom door. The two made a deal earlier in which the Jashinist lost, so the albino opened the door. They found the redhead sitting at his desk, a flask containing some purple liquid (a new poison, no doubt) in his hand. Sasori looked at the two with his typical heavy-lidded, bored façade, even though he was annoyed as hell to find the two interrupting his poison making.<p>

"Okay, what the hell are you two doing here?" he asked exasperatedly. Ever since the Taki-nin told him about the challenge, he gets exceedingly aggravated every time he felt a chakra presence outside his bedroom door. "If it's about the stupid karaoke machine, then get it over with. You're not going to make me sing for your sake."

Kisame already sensed something like this happening, and had readied an answer just in case. "Indirectly, yes, it IS about the karaoke machine. But we're making you take a deal," he countered, Samehada at the ready just in case he needed to threaten the puppet man into taking the agreement. Hidan desperately wanted to strangle the shark-man for dragging him into his plan, which he obviously can't do since he doesn't have a plan of his own in order to get the machine.

The redhead sighed; apparently he can't get out of this without confronting the blue-skinned shinobi. "Fine," he groaned. "I'll humor you. What?"

"Challenge you to a duel," Kisame confidently said. "You versus Hidan and me. We win; you're our servant for the week. You win; we're both your slaves for a week."

Sasori thought for a moment, and then smirked. "Fine," he said. "How do we know if someone already won?"

"If the enemy is or are no longer able to move, I guess," Kisame shrugged.

"Deal."

The Kiri-nin grinned. "Shake on it."

The puppeteer quickly took the shark man's hand and shook it, that smirk of his practically making hospitals and school clinics get overpopulated with fainting fangirls. Holy shit of Jashin, Kisame just didn't know what trouble he got Hidan and himself into.

* * *

><p>Sasori stood at one end of the field, the breeze gently blowing his bangs in such a way that it caused more fangirls to sigh and have MOE moments at the hotness of our main character. He is already at the ready with a cool pose and the Third Kazekage on his back.<p>

Kisame and Hidan stood at the other side, the Jashinist wielding his three-bladed scythe with one hand while his inner self cursed even more than normal at their predicament. The Kiri-nin on the other hand did not notice anything wrong and was smiling like an idiot at the thought of having to order the haughty, stoic puppeteer around. While he was relishing at this thought, a rain of kunai suddenly flew from the puppet.

The immortal managed to pull the other out of the way. "You fucking idiot!" he shouted. "You really want to be that sadist's slave?"

The shark-man only blinked at the younger man before charging at the redhead, Samehada held high.

The Suna-nuke-nin merely shook his head in amusement, before blasting a cloud of poison at Kisame. The swordsman cursed inwardly and held his breath while the cloud enveloped him. He quickly fumbled around for an explosive tag and kunai, tied the tag into the knife then threw the weapon at the place where he last saw the puppet while jumping away from the poison.

Sasori saw this and avoided the flying knife, only to get attacked by Hidan from behind. The immortal swung his scythe at the puppet man, knowing that slicing his body won't kill him (as long as the heart is not hit, of course) but will ensure them a sure victory.

The redhead, again, noticed this and with a quick movement of his hand, quickly produced a blade from his arm and cut off the Jashinist's head with it.

"FUCK YOU!" the silver-haired head roared in annoyance and pain as it rolled on the ground.

"One down, one more to go," Sasori muttered. He looked around before getting drenched by a large amount of water. Hidan's head and immobile body floated around the manmade (should I say shark-made?) lake.

"Suiton: Giant Vortex Technique!" Kisame shouted when the redhead, his auburn eyes wide with astonishment, finally saw him. The Suna-nin got included in the giant whirlpool that ensued.

When the tsunami calmed down, it left the puppeteer lying motionless with the Third Kazekage sprawled beside him. Kisame grinned at the side, and went to approach the puppet bodies.

Which turned into two logs in a puff of smoke.

Kisame's dot-like eyes widened as he searched for Sasori. He was just about to run looking for the body when he found himself unable to run.

"You said if the enemy can't move the other wins?" the puppeteer asked, perched on a tree with the Third Kazekage back in its scroll, his right hand held out in its usual stance when controlling marionettes, chakra strings extending. "Well, here you are now, as still as one of my artworks when I'm not controlling them. Only, I'm controlling you," he said, smirking as he flexed three of his fingers.

The swordsman's body assumed the Caramelldansen pose. "Damn," he cussed.

"Told ya fucking so…" Hidan's head muttered as it floated peacefully on the still water.

Sasori summoned a minor puppet of his and used it to pick up Hidan's head and body. Then he walked back to the base, dragging Kisame along by, controlling him like a puppet. At the front door of the base, he saw Kakuzu holding a very, very gigantic suitcase most likely filled with money.

"So you really sold that snake at one of your exchange points?" the redhead asked dryly. He still hadn't forgotten the last time Kakuzu went to his room.

"Yep!" the medic-nin replied gleefully. "They gave me a hundred million ryou for that corpse!"

"Moneywhore…" Hidan muttered. "At least that pedophile's fuckin' gone for good."

Kakuzu seemingly beamed underneath his mask, which made everyone present form a sweat drop on their foreheads.

"Right…" the Suna-nin deadpanned. "Fix him for me, will you?" he asked, making the puppet hold out the immortal's head.

The Taki-nin complied, making the body sit upright and sewing the head back on properly. The last time he sewed the head, it was on backwards. The whole group of S-rank criminals had to endure the Jashinist's complaints and swears for one whole week before he removed the head from the body and put it on right. But at least, they enjoyed annoying him.

They then entered the base, Kakuzu going to his room to add up the money he got from selling Orochimaru and the others back to Sasori's room.

When he opened the door, he found Zetsu messing with his CDs.

"Zetsu," the puppeteer started. "What are you doing with my CDs?"

"**None of your business, Pinocchio. **Nothing, Sasori-san."

"Then get out."

The plant-nin sank beneath the floor. Once they're gone, the redhead checked if anything is missing or the like. Nothing appeared amiss. Thank God, his secret is still safe.

Once they got in, Sasori sat on his beloved wooden chair and looked at the two, one with a look of killing intent directed at the other who looked like his hopes were crushed.

"A deal's a deal, people," Sasori drawled. Kami, that smirk of his really is deadly; half the population of Sasori fangirls was probably dead by now by the overwhelming hotness of the redhead.

The two nodded. "Hai, Sasori-sama," they said simultaneously.

Again, the redhead smirked, causing the half of the remaining population of fangirls to die.

"Good, then get out," he ordered, removing the chakra strings from Kisame's joints so he could get away.

The two scurried out. Once the door is closed, Hidan tackled the older man into the ground and strangled him.

"IMMA KILL YOU!" he screamed.

"KYAAA! LET GO OF ME!"

The noise was so loud that the noise wasn't even blocked by the soundproof door. The sadistic puppeteer relished in the yelling of the two people outside his door.

* * *

><p><strong>If you noticed that I put too much emphasis on Sasori's hotness, coolness and other characteristics, don't mind me; I'm just exaggerating. But then, maybe you people will say I'm not.<strong>

**And I didn't mean to make Hidan smarter than usual…**

**Sorry for Zetsu's extremely short screen time! It's because of my habit to ignore him since he's always hidden and stuff.**

**P.S. I am now a fan of Sasori x Chair. It's just so plain random. XD**

**Review please! :3**


	8. Fail Like a Boss

**Hey, I'm back… Sorry for the long update, but the prom, school fair and the usual butt-annoying school requirements kept me too busy for my liking. Kami, I hated making the same stinking floor plan on bond paper, illustration boards and manila paper over and over. But then, since nobody's prompting me to update, I presume you all nearly died simultaneously with the return of classes. XD**

**And much as I try to force Sasori to apologize to the public, he flatly refused since he said it would hurt his ego. So yeah, I apologize in Sasori's place for letting his fans (particularly TezTra-san since she PMed me that she woke up in the hospital XD) suffer from whatever injury they have now when he emerged in full hotness mode last chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I only own the story. Everything else is owned by their respective owners. (I won't bother specifying; there are too many of them.)**

* * *

><p>Pein held out a meeting excluding Sasori in the base's living room. He looked rather perplexed as he glanced from one member to another.<p>

Deidara and Konan were both happily busy with their art but tearing up whenever they hear Sasori's name, Tobi was sulking in a corner and sucking his thumb like the childlike idiot that he is, Kakuzu was counting his money more enthusiastically than usual that Nagato was so spooked that he almost left Deva Path alone in the living room, Hidan and Kisame's faces were annoyed and white with flour which practically told everyone that they were trying to bake something but obviously failed to do so, the two halves of Zetsu were arguing with each other about some CDs in Sasori's room, and Itachi was munching stoically at a piece of candy. How the final member was able to do that, no one really knows.

The Rinnegan wielder cleared his throat and said loudly, "All right, everyone. You tell me what happened to you during this 'challenge'."

At this statement, everyone's emotions came out all at once. I suppose I don't need tell you what emotion each member released, so let's just continue with the story.

The Leader popped a vein at his temple and shouted over the din, "SHUT UP, EVERYONE!"

Surprisingly, everyone complied.

Pein, who was too pissed off to acknowledge the rare moment when everyone followed him immediately, glared at Deidara and snapped, "All right, what did you do to make Sasori sing?"

The blonde gulped. "Tried to bribe him with my letting go of my motto and saying that art is eternal for the rest of my life, un."

The ginger head raised an eyebrow. "That didn't work, did it?"

"Nope. But at least, I still get to say that art is a bang, un," the Iwa-nin answered with both relief and despair in his voice.

Pein sighed, and then said, "All right… Tobi?"

Konan glared at her partner. "Aren't you going to ask me first?" she interrupted. "I went before Tobi did, after all."

The Leader just looked with a very faint trace of pity at the kunoichi. "I know the full details, Konan," he answered. "To summarize everything, you used a lot of paper."

The bluenette's amber eyes widened with confusion and curiosity at how Pein knew what she did as he looked away from her and at Zetsu.

"Zetsu?"

"We're not really planning to join the challenge. We just gathered up data from Sasori's room," White Zetsu reported.

"And we're not telling you anything about it," Black Zetsu piped.

"All right… Tobi?"

"Tobi… left candy… in front of… Sasori-san' room…" the masked man answered, sniffling between phrases. "Unfortunately… for Tobi… Itachi-senpai… took the candy…"

Then Tobi wailed "ITACHI-TEME'S A BAD BOY!" as loudly as he could, prompting the others to cover their ears. Itachi apparently didn't hear it; two cords extended from his ear, connected at his neck and disappeared underneath his robe. And if Deidara, who is sitting beside the Uchiha, is not mistaken, he could swear that he could hear Itachi is humming the song _Popipo _under his breath. The Light Yagami version, to be precise.

The Rinnegan wielder hit the current source of noise on the head, causing him to fall asleep. He rubbed his forehead before saying, "Kakuzu?"

"I made money!" the homicidal stitch-nin shouted out with glee.

Everyone winced and covered their ears. Pein massaged the popped vein that suddenly appeared on his temple.

"Okay, how exactly did you make money?" he asked, still rubbing his head.

Kakuzu told all the details explicitly, grinning all the while. When he's done, everyone present stared at him either in disbelief (if it's Pein, Konan or Itachi) or horror (if it's Deidara, Hidan, Tobi or Kisame). Even Zetsu ceased arguing with himself just to shudder when he heard the vilest name of a snake pedophile known in history: Orochimaru. Even Potterheads had to admit that Orochimaru's (*cue in shudder from the author) name is much, much more unmentionable than Lord Voldemort's.

The Leader decided to clear his head from the mental scars and turned his attention on the two people clad in maid costumes and flour.

"Kisame… Hidan…" he started. "What have you gotten yourselves into?"

"Whadda ya mean?" the Jashinist asked. "The shitty flour or the fucking frilly maid outfits?"

The Leader sighed. "Both."

Kakuzu's eyes widened slightly. He turned his head slowly and asked as calmly as he could, "Where did you get the money to buy those Kaichou wa Maid-sama costumes?"

"No idea," the Kiri-nin shrugged at the mercenary. "'Sasori-sama' just gave us these outfits and we have to wear them for one week. And yeah, we're supposed to be baking brioche. And you know how 'Sasori-sama' hates waiting," he said, adding air quotes to the words Sasori-sama.

Pein raised a pierced eyebrow. "Sasori-sama? What exactly happened anyway?"

Hidan told the whole story, with a little exaggeration and as many swear words added. Meanwhile, the Taki-nin never listened and instead computed over and over again in his head the cost of two sets of Ayuzawa Misaki costumes plus the cost of all the ingredients that two men with no experience in baking could use when making the extremely difficult recipe of brioche. (A/N: I don't know whether brioche is easy or hard to do, but since Hidan and Kisame are inexperienced, let's say the recipe's really difficult to understand.) The sum kept coming up to exactly 1/250 of the price he got from selling Orochimaru *shudder* at one of the bounty exchange points. He then began sobbing uncontrollably like a child and started rolling on the floor with his mask off and his thumb inside his mouth. Which was pretty much what Tobi was doing when he was conscious.

By now, since there are too many instances that are worth facepalming for, the Leader of the S-ranked criminal organization Akatsuki decided to hit his own head at the nearest wall to rid himself of both his consciousness and the craziness that was building up inside the room.

* * *

><p>"Has Leader-sama fuckin' lost his mind?"<p>

"Yeah, I think so."

"That's what she said."

_*Cue in a really gruesome sound of chakra-hardened paper piercing a person's body_

"Ow! You hit my swim bladder! That hurts!"

"Well, duh! Now shut up before Pein strangles you for waking him up."

"From what I observed in this room while I was listening from my iPod, all of you gave the Leader too many chances for him to facepalm that he decided to hit himself on the wall to rid himself of both consciousness and the insanity building up in this room. So basically, it's your fault."

"So says the genius who listens to that Bakayeroloid sing that horrible song about vegetable juice. Kami, Pein'll kill you if he finds out. Not that anyone's gonna miss you, yeah."

"I was listening to Light's version of Meltdown, Deidara. Honestly, you should give yourself a break from your explosions. They're making you tone-deaf."

"SHUT UP, UN!"

"SSSSSSSHHHHHHHH!"

_*Gulp*_ "Sorry, Konan, un."

"Good. Kakuzu, get your ass in here and make Pein conscious."

"My money… my money…"

"You won't get any more money if you keep on sulking like that. 40000 ryo from my paycheck if you heal him. NOW."

"Okay! Yay!"

* * *

><p>Pein woke up to find all of the Akatsuki members' faces looking down on him, with Kakuzu's glowing green hand on his head, obviously to revive him. He stood up slowly and assumed his most authoritarian pose.<p>

"So it's only Itachi who hasn't done anything yet?" He faced the Uchiha with a questioning look. The raven teen nodded in assertion.

"I'll go convince that puppet before another person breaks out of his emotional barrier, then," the Leader said.

A certain kunoichi's eyes widened. "Are you sure, Pein?" she asked. "Almost everyone had suffered mental depression because of that sadistic redhead."

"Relax, Konan," the ginger head chuckled. "I'm the Leader of the Akatsuki and the only wielder of the Rinnegan. I can do this…"

Then Pein turned on his heel and marched out of the room. Somehow, Konan couldn't trust her partner's words. Must be woman's intuition.

* * *

><p>"Yes, Leader-sama? You sent for me?"<p>

Sasori stood stoically in that dark room which is the Leader's office. The Rinnegan glowed eerily from behind the desk, which thankfully the Akatsuki weren't scared of. Many a new recruit was immediately disposed of when the Leader found that they merely twitched a finger or closed his eyes for a second longer than that was necessary for blinking.

"Why else would you be here if I didn't send for you?" the voice from behind the desk asked, presumably with one eyebrow raised.

The puppeteer took note of the voice's failed tone and said rather dryly with a hint of sadism, "Sir, please don't attempt sarcasm. You suck."

Pein suddenly had the urge the strangle Sasori but it occurred to him just as suddenly that nothing would happen since his head would probably fly out of its joint. Thus restraining himself, he answered, "That's why I'm practicing. Anyway, back to the matter at hand."

"And what was it about?" the Suna-nin asked. He still couldn't pinpoint why the hell was interrupted from fixing puppets. And something tells him it wasn't a mission either; otherwise, Deidara would be at his side.

"You know about the situation of our fellow members, am I correct, Sasori?" Pein asked using his most severe voice.

The redhead inclined his head. "Well…"

Pein drummed his fingers on his desk.

"Yes, sir. I knew the situation." _Since Kakuzu told me all about it,_ Sasori added mentally, sweatdropping.

The Leader smirked. The flow's going nicely. "And do you by any chance know how to stop them from acting like babies, Sasori-san?" he asked.

The puppeteer cringed. It always happens when people call him Sasori-san, apart from Itachi. It's just way too formal, not to mention creepy. "Yes, sir," he answered, head down so Pein wouldn't be able to see his face.

The pierced man smiled, apparently mistaking Sasori's gesture as one of shame. "And what would that be, Sasori, hmm?"

Sasori looked up, his face in its trademark pokerface façade. _Now Pein's acting like that blond unartistic idiot, _he thought_._ "Singing in the karaoke machine, sir," he answered.

Pein is practically grinning by now. "Now why don't you go ahead and do it then?" he said.

The Suna-nin smirked. "No, sir."

Pein blinked. The statement itself seemed to be echoing in the room.

"Why not?" he asked as casually as one could with a parched throat.

Sasori smiled gently. "I still have fifty puppets to fix, sir," he answered smugly. "If you don't mind, I'm leaving right now so I could finish them earlier."

The Leader blinked again, then cleared his throat. "All right, Sasori," he said. "You may leave."

The other bowed, thanked him, opened the door, went out, and closed the door softly behind him.

Deva Path suddenly went rigid, looking like a mannequin sitting on the Leader's desk.

Then fifty miles away, in a cave hidden by paper, Nagato himself went into mental breakdown. His scream is so ear-piercing that it actually reached the Akatsuki base.

The sadistic puppet looked up from the mess of puppet limbs, heard the scream, and smirked. "Eight down, last one to go…" he softly said to himself.

* * *

><p><strong>Clarification: Sasori didn't know that Nagato, not Deva Path is screaming. He just thought that Deva Path is the one doing the screaming, since the sound is loud enough but muffled by the soundproof door.<strong>

**Now that everyone else has failed, will the remaining member, Itachi, try to make Sasori sing or not? If he does, will he succeed or fail?**

**Till I update, everyone! Review and tell me what you think about how the ending will turn out!**

**And before I forget:**

**No one will be able to explain briefly why Voldemort is better than Orochimaru *shudder*. It will probably take me a one-page essay, font size 8 and single spacing, just for me to tell as short as possible why.**


	9. Not what you would expect

**Hehehe… It's the long-awaited final chapter…**

**Disclaimer:**

**1. Akatsuki - Masashi Kishimoto**

**2. Atlantis Complex – Eoin Colfer**

**3. Hatsune Miku, Kagamine Twins and Megurine Luka - Crypton Future Media**

**4. World's End Dancehall - Genjitsutouhi-P (wowaka)  
>Translation by: animeyay from animelyrics<strong>

**Warning: OOCness, and something you wouldn't expect :)**

**Oh, and I know song fics aren't allowed here. I'll try my best.**

**Enjoy reading.**

* * *

><p>At last, the redheaded puppeteer of Sunagakure finished fixing his puppets and went down to the living room to "assess" the situation. There he found their usually stoic, bossy Leader sulking in the corner usually reserved for Tobi's brooding. Chuckling softly to himself (although how that can be possible is still unclear, seeing that he is an emotionless puppet), he went back to his room and turned on his CD player to listen (and sing-along) to his beloved song collection.<p>

Down at the kitchen, where Itachi, Konan and Deidara were having their breakfast, they were discussing the matter about the Karaoke machine and Sasori's apparent wit on defying all their efforts.

"You're practically the only one who's not doing something, Itachi," Konan was saying. "Honestly, I don't know what's going to happen to this organization if even you fail."

"Not my problem anymore," Itachi grunted, working his way through his pancakes with maple syrup and strawberries. "Why did you people even start that 'challenge'?"

At that, all of them were silent. No one wanted to admit it was Tobi's idea, and that Pein was stupid enough to approve it.

"Amway," Deidara mumbled, his mouth full of bakudan. "Bryu rlee wamb chew tawn diz beis inchew argh mretal ozpeetar, un?"

The Uchiha and the kunoichi wrinkled their noses.

"If you're going to talk with your mouth full, Deidara," the Konoha-nuke-nin remarked dryly. "Can you at least use one of your other mouths?"

The blonde glared at Itachi and swallowed.

"The other mouths don't have any voice boxes," he said in annoyance. "Anyway, I said, 'Do you really want to turn this base into a mental hospital,' un."

"Ah," the other man said. "Probably not if I'm going to be the only one sane here."

"SEE!" the teen exclaimed. He grabbed Itachi's collar and stared at his Sharingan with his trump card for persuading (which I think I should mention pitifully and fortunately never works on Sasori), the cutest puppy eyes he could muster. "You have to force Danna to sing or we're all going to be insane!"

The Uchiha's right eye twitched. He blinked and yet the irresistibly cute blue puppy eyes are still there. Itachi pushed the blonde away from him and rubbed his eyes in an effort to remove the puppy eyes from his clearly disturbed mind.

"Fine, fine, fine, I'll do it," he said, defeated, pushing the bomber out of his way. He then started to go to his room, rubbing his eyes and temples all the while.

When the Uchiha was out of sight, the paper user grinned at the Iwa-nin.

"Nice going, Dei," she said.

The blonde chuckled.

* * *

><p>Now that he is in the safety of his bedroom, Itachi grabbed his laptop and dance pad. He planned to use his beloved StepMania as brainwash himself from the horrible cuteness of Deidara's eyes. He chose his favorite song, set it to Hard mode, and started dancing.<p>

* * *

><p>After a few hours…<p>

"Holy Amaterasu, Tsukuyomi, Susanoo, Izanagi and Izanami!" Itachi screamed, loud enough to make people from Kumogakure wonder whether they're hearing thunder. "Why can't I forget that outrageous cuteness?"

The Uchiha stood hyperventilating, with one hand on the wall, the other on his heart, Sharingan focused furiously on the screen of his laptop. He always got triple A's even if the level was on Expert but now, with the puppy eyes distracting his mind, he can't get past the score A even on Medium level. He played Vocaloid songs, Naruto Shippuuden openings and closings and seiyuu character songs, yet those blue eyes haunted him. They are so cute that they could cause nightmares if you stare at them for any split second longer than five measly seconds. Trauma if you stare for longer than ten. Paranoia and senile dementia at fifteen. Probably a manifestation of a completely different personality by twenty. I'm telling you, readers: attempting to look intently at those eyes for long is infinitely worse than dabbling with fairy magic then later being diagnosed with the most advanced stage of the Atlantis complex. Which is probably why scientists haven't studied it yet due to the risks. Wait a sec, I'm getting ahead of myself; I'm having too much fun in explaining this. I apologize for breaking the fourth wall.

As he stood there panting, the Leader opened his door with a slightly ticked off look on his pierced face.

"Itachi," he said wryly. "Why in the name of the five gods of Shintoism are you screaming their names? Your voice can be heard a thousand miles away."

The Konoha-nin explained everything in detailed. Pein simply twitched an eyebrow.

"Seriously, man," the ginger groaned. "Is that the first time that you are on the receiving end of Deidara's Puppy Eyes of Doom?"

Itachi nodded.

"How many seconds did you look at them?"

"About ten, I think."

Pein smacked his face in disgust. "Good grief. No wonder you're traumatized. Those eyes are as bad as your Tsukuyomi."

"Huh?" Itachi said for the very first time of his short life.

The Leader waved a hand away. "Anyway, if you really want to heal your trauma-"

"Of course I do!" Itachi interrupted.

"Don't interrupt," Pein reprimanded. "It's either you go back to Konoha and have the Fifth Hokage heal you, which is impractical since you're an S-rank criminal-"

The Uchiha rolled red eyes. "Duh."

A vein pulsed on the Rinnegan wielder's temple. "I said not to interrupt. As I was saying, it's either that option I just said or you do whatever Deidara asked you to do."

Itachi glared at the Leader. "Are you sure that option two works as well as option one?"

"Yeah. Believe it or not, it was Hidan who came up with it. It worked for all of us ever since, except for Sasori who for some reason has been always immune to the Eyes in the first place," Pein explained.

"Thanks," Itachi mumbled.

"No problem. Just don't scream like hell next time," Pein said, closing the door behind him.

Itachi sighed. At least Leader-sama didn't see his laptop.

* * *

><p>Itachi stood on Sasori's open doorway, his Sharingan focused intently on the redhead who is gazing back at him with the same level of emotion (which is practically none).<p>

"What do you want?" the puppeteer muttered.

The other handed him a piece of paper. He then went out, saying, "You know where to go."

Sasori read the note, his eyes widening slightly then returning back to normal, a smirk spreading across his face.

_Hmm… Nobody's heard him singing before, either._

* * *

><p>The Suna-nin arrived at the living room to find all the Akatsuki there, some still showing a sign that he hasn't gotten over his failure. The redhead strode to the tea table and quickly flicked through the pages of the song book for the Karaoke machine.<p>

Everyone then stared at Itachi in surprise, who is seated comfortably on the floor.

"How the fuck did you do it?" Hidan choked.

"You'll find out soon enough," the Uchiha muttered darkly. "Thanks majorly to a blonde transvestite."

"Hey!" the said blonde transvestite pouted. He actually overlooked the faint tone of thanks in Itachi's voice.

"All right, everyone, calm down," Konan said.

The puppeteer soon stopped at a page, peering at it for a few seconds before connecting two lapel antennae instead of microphones into the karaoke machine. He pressed the numbers while throwing a lapel at Itachi, who caught it while standing up to take his place in front of the flat screen.

"Where the hell did you get those lapels?" Kakuzu asked gruffly. "D'you have any idea how much one of those cost?"

"For your information, Kakuzu," Itachi replied coldly. "We each bought them both out of our own money. We didn't take any from the funds."

"Good," the mercenary grunted.

"Back away, everyone," Sasori ordered. "Hit play, 'Tachi."

Itachi obliged.

At once, drums and bass and rhythm guitars blared through the speakers. Sasori danced with exactly the same moves as the green-pigtailed girl in the screen was doing. When the lead guitar came in, Itachi started dancing too; pretty much in the same time the girl with long pink hair entered the stage to accompany the other girl.

Everyone was staring in awe and disbelief at the two. Kisame and Deidara rubbed their eyes at the sight of their partners moving gracefully to the beat, the latter choking the words "Oh my Kami, World's End Dancehall?" Itachi moved with the same fluidity as the one he displayed in the battlefield (he even had his kekkai genkai on, for the love of God), while Sasori surprised everyone by dancing with flexibility a jointed puppet could not possibly have.

But the dancing was just the beginning, of course. Sasori started singing, his Sakurai Takahiro voice making Konan scream like a deranged fangirl and the others gaping at his cooler-than-all-of-them-combined singing voice.

_At the boundary lines mixed with jokes,  
>a little farther ahead of the stairs...<em>

Sasori finished the first stanza all by himself. Then Itachi sang along, his Hideo Ishikawa baritone harmonizing perfectly with Sasori's tenor. If the others' eyes could widen, they would, for suddenly the two have become either almost the male versions of Hatsune Miku and Megurine Luka or a twin male version of the Kagamine twins.

_...Are you going to dance terribly  
><em>_And stumble on the top of the altar?_

Then came the fast part. That was even better than the parts before. Sasori and Itachi danced and sang faster.

_...The meaning tied to those short phrases,  
><em>_The reason for hating someone you've never met,  
>No matter how hard I look, I can't find them...<em>

Then whatever singing or dancing talent they're still hiding at the moment, they let it all out during the chorus.

_Shall we dance with some hop steps?  
>Let's go "one two" in a small corner of this world...<em>

The song went on and on, each step or note making the other Akatsuki members' jaws drop (or in Konan's case, scream like a banshee).

_...Dancing when sad,  
>Laughing when wanting to cry,<br>__Those kinds of willfulness are really tiring!_

And then at last, the song did end, but the thrill of seeing the two stoic members of the Akatsuki sing and dance didn't fade.

_"Farewell, and take care."  
><em>_I utter to this ending world. _

* * *

><p>A long silence ensued after their performance. The Leader was the first one to break the silence.<p>

"So making Sasori sing by offering to go along with him is your plan, Itachi?" he asked.

"Yes, sir," the Uchiha replied curtly.

"Very well," Pein said, amidst glares from the others who so wanted the machine to themselves. "I hereby dub Itachi the owner-"

He was cut off by the ringing doorbell.

"Good grief… Kisame, Zetsu, get the doorbell. It's probably the mailman."

"Yay!" White Zetsu exclaimed.

"**Mealtime!**"Black Zetsu shouted.

"Why am I with them?" Kisame groaned.

The two (or is it three?) quickly went to the boulder of the cave and opened it. Standing outside the door were the green-pigtailed girl and pretty pink-haired girl who were dancing earlier in the television.

"Hello," the pigtailed girl said cheerfully, although the evil glint in her eye as she stared at Zetsu is quite unnerving. "Is this the Akatsuki base?"

"**No,**" Black Zetsu growled. "**What do you want?**"

"We received information that our karaoke machine is sent to the Akatsuki base," the pink-haired girl answered, business-like, blue eyes flicking over at Kisame for a second. "We had the coordinates of the base sent to us from a reliable source which I'd rather not mention. And we can't be wrong; the twins' sense of direction are excellent no matter how they look like, right, Miku?" she nodded at the green-haired girl.

"Luka's right," Miku nodded. "So don't lie to us and tell us where our karaoke is."

"We don't know what you're-" Kisame's voice was cut off by the loud screeching sound a microphone makes when pointed to a speaker.

Luka and Miku grinned.

"Feedback," they said simultaneously.

"Rin! Len!" Luka shouted. "Here they are!"

Suddenly, a roadroller crushed all the surrounding trees. Its drivers are teenagers who looked too young to have a driver's license. Their blond hair fluttered in the wind and their blue eyes sparked mischief.

"Can we destroy the base?" the blond girl with a white ribbon on top of her head asked.

"Sure, Rin," Miku answered.

"Just don't destroy the karaoke machine!" Luka reminded.

The boy with the short ponytail slicked his awry bangs out of his eyesight. "Sure," he drawled.

"Oh, and Len!" Luka called the boy. "Leave the giant tuna alive," she said, pointing at Kisame who was dumbstruck at the sight of the vehicle.

"And the leek!" Miku cried, pointing at Zetsu, who was equally stunned. Both shinobi seemed to have lost their ninja instincts.

"Yeah, yeah, sure," Len boredly said, driving the roadroller straight into the Akatsuki base.

Just then, the other Akatsuki members went out to see what's wrong.

Then Pein shouted to put everyone in their senses:

"EVACUATE, YOU IDIOTS! EVACUATE!"

* * *

><p><strong>There you go… It's the end. Imma take a long break from multi-chapters… I really need to finish that Akatsuki one-shot I'm doing. *sigh*<strong>

**A sequel? Maybe there will be. When I get enough motivation, anyway. XD**

**Anyway, reviews are very much appreciated, thank you very much.**


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